strange morning

So for the first time this summer I woke up before 6am and remained completely awake. What was more strange is that it is now 7:30 and monkey is still asleep. We're going to the library at 9, so she can keep sleeping!

I was awake thinking about all the possibilities that await in our future. Will I be able to be really preggo and take care of monkey all by myself for 2 months? Will I feel resentful? How will monkey react to his absence? Will he go active duty and can we afford it? Will I work...part time maybe? Will I have to move in with or stay with my parents? Can I take care of the dog in all this?

Total madness I know, but with the twin realities of being preggo again (yay!!) and havinf my husband enter the military in some capacity I just couldn't stop myself.

I'm OK now because I told myslef I was getting hysterical for nothing as usual. One step at a time. I can do this. I can do this. I am doing this.

I thought I was done with Junior High

Ok, so I'm not done with junior high in the way that I work there, but I am so over acting like I'm in 7th grade. I took lil' monkey to a playtime for tots at the library. We came late bcause she didn't start her nap right away. We walk in to the small room and no one acknowledges us. Not a "hi" or a "go fuck yourself." Monkey took awhile taking it in, but got busy. She kept trying to make eye contact with the mom nearest to where she had moved to, and despite the fact that she wasn't speaking to anyone, she stonewalled her. Like her cute smiles of a greeting shouldn't be acknowledge in some cursory way. Ok. Fine.

No one spoke to me the entire time. I saw one mom leave with her little girl because no one spoke to her either. They were also the only minorities in the room. These women talked about the special programs they have their kids going to or complained about being preggo again. I hated them all. They either looked like a nice neat stepford mom or a rich-yet-choosing-to-be-dirty hippy.

I don't know if I'll go back there. There is a Saturday morning story time so we'll try that hoping for normal people who do normal things in their lives. The Stepford/Dirty Hippy moms were scary. Is that what stay at home moms are like? How do they see me? How did they judge me so instantly that not one person could say hello? I felt like we invaded their special time. No, ladies, this was advertised so that anyone could come here. Grrrrr.


Thats all for my rant today. I feel better.

wordie fun

bag o' fun

hanging
Originally uploaded by mrs.magpie

So I was totally excited to make my first bag from "Bend the Rules Sewing." It actually wasn't too difficult. I even figured out how to freehand stich the decorative bits!! The worst part was using LINEN. Ack! Threads everywhere...refusing to crease!! But overall I was able to complete the project without too much swearing or ripping out of seams. The problem now is that the bag, as cute as it is, is actually too large for me. I don't need a large-ish tote right now. So I will probably give it for a gift at Christmas.

I will probably make myself the All Day Tote from Lotta. Seems more practical for me now. But this will wait until my present for Amanda is done and my new bedroom quilt is done. Whew. I'm tired already!

let this be a lesson to you all

Mosquitoes that is...

If you come into my house, the "Noqsuito" will getcha. And then we will laugh at your demise and watch you dehydrate and die in this little cage. Stay away!!!

In all seriousness, the Nosquito has done the trick. For some reason mosquitos congragate at my front door so any entry or exit is an invitation to bugs. This wasn't a big deal until this year when they started eating my child. This had to stop!! Now I know that any bugs that do make it in will get killed before the morning. Excellent!!

nerding out!

Hooray! I finally got to watch Act 1 of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog!! It was worth the wait!! Totally funny...it makes me want to watch Buffy reruns all day. Especially the one where they sang. And Serenity. I could watch that again too.

Mr. Whedon, thanks for making new stuff. Keep it up.

smells like Sydney

Yesterday I took a walk at the beach. Not ON the beach, but at and near and around the beach. Which was so sad for my little dog who LOVES dog beach. It's just that I also brought lil Monkey and strollers and sand do not mix. There is also NO WAY ON EARTH that I could manage a excited terrier off leash on dog beach and a not-yet-walking-but-loves-to-crawl baby. So we walked on the sidewalks and the smell hit me yesterday: Sydney. It was the humidity really. It was so humid down there. I remember walking home from class to have it start raining hard, but be completely stopped and SUNNY when I finally got home to pull my -now wet with rain- laundry off the line.

It has been 11 years this month since I was there. Since I really grew up. I went there sad and lost, and came home free from all that. I knew I could do it...what ever it was. I could be alone and not be lonely. It is wierd trying to explain what I was like before that experience...my husband doesn't see it, but I think that is a good thing. It reminds me that we can all go through dark and lost times and emerge, maybe not as found, but not so dark about it. I see some of my female students starting that path of lost, and I try to convey to them, not thru lectures or stories, that IT GETS BETTER. It does. I love my life as crazy and strange and imperfect as it is, and I had to be the insecure, sad and lost girl who only wore black, grey and navy.

Thank you Sydney. I miss you and hope you are doing well. Hope to see you soon!